do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
