she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
how drunk are you?
Several
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
