im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She told me I should be a condom model.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
