i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
