How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I want a musical about memes.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
