guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
