So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
