Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
