Can Purell be used as lube?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
