The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize