I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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