It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Enjoy the penises
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
