I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
