On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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