We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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