before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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