I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
