Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
