I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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