The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize