It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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