i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
