Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
