I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
