just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
