Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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