Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
sex in a hospital.. check
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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