After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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