you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
