We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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