After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
