Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
