There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
