theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize