Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize