do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
