Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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