yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
