I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
