Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
