Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
