im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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