We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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