is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Sober January is a disaster.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
