Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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