nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
