This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I will pee on everything he values.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Randomize
