So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
