angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
