do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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