We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
