Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI

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(843): View more from South Carolina

there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think

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(212): View more from New York

Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??

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(419): View more from Ohio

Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.

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(227): View more from Maryland

I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.

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(312): View more from Illinois

Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.

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