Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
