Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
