I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
