i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
