I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
