I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
