Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
