please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
