He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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