My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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