You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
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