i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
