my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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