Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
