he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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