dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
