PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I need to stop coming to work sober
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
